Lies.

I've done it a couple of times but never seem to learn from my mistakes; sometimes I just feel like winding someone up for absolutely no reason other than to see how different their personality can be when they realise the entire evening has been, and I quote "A lot of crap, constructed purely to make yourself laugh".

I told a girl-friend, with an eager expression on my face that within our lifetime, another moon equal in mass to our current moon will enter the earth's gravitational orbit and "kinda muck up our tides". Oddly enough I neglected to follow up on this and tell her that it was a joke, resulting in her exclaiming at a dinner party about this shocking astrological news to a fairly argumentative reception...

Similar in many ways to the time I told a good friend of mine that I'm in talks with publishers to re-write the Guttenberg Bible in paper back, "It's a very exciting time!" I said. "Initially, I'm going to cut back on complicated characters, iron out some loose ends and explain the lead role's 'Journey towards the man he is today', similar to Batman Begins but without wings."

I’m going to consciously try and avoid these kind of things in future.

Taking it seriously. Seriously.

God I hate the word 'seriously' when I type it three times within three lines, it makes my skin crawl for some reason. And this is exactly my point; if I’m expressing insignificant thoughts like this, it means I’m actually subscribing myself to the life style of a blogger. I'm instantly ripping myself from my social standing (sic) and entering into a new, online community that quite frankly I don't understand!

The person that said you can’t start a sentence with the word “And” was talking nonsense.

The facinating world of gloves.

I can't just sit on the Internet anymore and 'surf' all evening, 1998 is almost 8 years ago. But as with every bandwagon that I come across, I thought I’d get my beak wet in the world of Ebay. It splurged a new lease of life into my browsing habits, offering me a priceless tool to find truly weird people. I'm not talking about people who sell pointless fantastic nostalgia:

(http://snipurl.com/iedy) I'd rather have it on cassette...

It's the mentalists who sell sorry looking gloves with a desperately hopeful *Buy it Now!* button bolted on that entertain me!

(http://snipurl.com/iee7) L@@k, free postage and packing too! Excellent.

I know everyone smirks and says "Yep I love it; you can buy ANYTHING on Ebay" but I'm slowly probing into the depths of exactly what "anything" can entail. Embarrassingly enough, there's no doubt someone on the other side of the world who’s cynically blogging about my digital camera up for auction which, at 5 days to go is at the mercifully low price of £0.01

Lowering the tone..

From what I can gather these pains in my left arm are something to do with bad digestion and not a heart attack. Trapped wind means that I should "Let rip whenever needed". Thank god my wind smells like honey.

PSP is taking over my brain!

I'm having Lumines flashbacks, I’m pretty worried about it, it seems to have reprogrammed my brain?! I can be thinking about pretty serious things, say; not falling on the tracks at a station in a high wind but part of my mind is planning the next move in a fictional game played in my head! It's the music and pretty shinny things moving on the screen doing it! Poor, very Poor. My Nintendogs (google it) are all starving and thirsty wondering when/if their once faithful owner will return.

Sick!

If you're going to attend to a blog with any conviction the last thing you need is to be struck down before you've already begun with a touch of Autumn Seasonal SARS. My body appears to be incapable of dealing with a temperature shift of 3 degrees and began producing all sorts of wonderful gunk, rendering me useless to my work for two days.

Daytime television HAS to be a device created to inspire to the unemployed to work. Don't fall for their tactical titles such as *Loose Women* they're all rubbish. Incidentally, I think that has to be the most misleading title since *Changing Rooms* began. For those who haven't had the misfortune of catching this "Lively topical debate show" in a nutshell is a table of women arguing about the way it's tough being a female, invariably resulting in a daytime friendly double entendre about the size of male genitles. It's REALLY hard not to be cynical when you're a prisoner in your own home with only a panel of loose women to insult you.

The last thing I needed was for a girl to say to me "The thing about guys is; when they have a cold they think they're dying!!” What on earth would she know; she wasn't staring death in the face.

First Post!

Simon here, I must admit I didn't actually mean to set this blog up...I just wanted to post on a friend's one and....well.... here I am.