3D: Long story short, it's ok, nothing special.

Christ, where do I start on a technology that no sensible, economically guided person would ever consider? 3D is no doubt a tactic to draw the consumer to engage and pay for another medium that was already satisfied by an understandably attractive high definition package. The well established were drawn to HD by the near PC monitor visuals that your average NTSC or Nintendo Wii consumer had not witnessed; the uninitiated were drawn by the bizarre SD demonstration of high definition television by showing a sliding football tackle or a frog leaping in a 300 frames per second advertisement. Slow motion. Approaching the consumer so soon after such an HD revelation is a very tricky market to pitch to.



3D is full of historic excitement because we've been promised it for decades; decades past even my birth that I'm still aware of. You can't approach a man in his 40s/50s who hasn't considered the concept of a holographic video conferencing setup that has an onboard retail tech demo which will rotate a Death Star in front of you. Less said about a desperate Leia the better. Its just become social acceptance that one day we will have this type of display, that type of sliding door.

Last night I watched the first ever broadcast of England's National football team trying not to upset the country's media whilst having the gall to play in full 3D.

There's not an especially easy way to sum up 3D television other than 'It's kind of working, it's alright'. This is everyones reaction to putting on the glasses required to view the cross eyed drunk screen that you'd view without them. The 3D Sky preview channel before the match showcased the best of their 3D footage and it did it very well. I've heard that tennis could be considered the killer application of the 3D technology but it's only until you see it that you begin to see why folk might be right. It looks really good indeed and does feel like it adds to the enjoyment. That said, I'll immediately bash that praise on the head by mentioning that after around 18 minutes I said to a friend that it was making me feel slightly sick, to which he agreed. We both decided that we'd hope for the best and eventually the sicky feeling subsided. That's the type of thing that would make me never use the technology again. On a similar note, my eyes after just 10 minutes felt incredibly strained and even this morning when I woke up they seemed slightly blurry and felt more tired than usual. By half time it was a bloody relief to remove the glasses and turn my back on the TV so I could recover before the second half.

I couldn't work out if I was enjoying the 3D or I was enjoying the glasses which correct an otherwise blurry picture. That's a hard one to explain. If the same game was in 1080p HD I don't think I'd have cared if it was in 3D or not. It just seemed that most people were impressed that these magic glasses could make that shit picture watchable.

It's the tennis vs football comparison that really is the most important thing I took away from the evening. Football I felt, suffered from an active camera angle - moving about and following the action. On movement, the 3D depth feeling that was fooling your brain into thinking there was real depth is removed because you can't see the entire pitch. You're limited by the action they want to show you (of course) so it doesn't feel quite right. I think 3D football would really only work to the best of its abilities if you had a massive wall sized television which gave you one fixed wide angle view of the entire pitch, which you could then look about as you please. Just like being there. So it's tennis which works perfectly because that overhead camera is fixed, you can see the entire court the entire time and it feels as if you could be sat up in a high seat, watching the game in the arena.

I spoke to people about it after the game and we all agreed that this was the perfect way to decide that none of us were going to ever buy a 3D TV. I'm not sure that's really what Sky and the television manufacturers had in mind. It was a nice novelty but going back to the same pub to watch the next England game, I will probably sit facing a regular 2D LCD and save my eyes the strain.

Earphone Review: Insonic

It's important to spend a little more on things that you use frequently. Researching the features and reading reviews really helps. Earphones for instance; I use these for approximately 5hrs a day, everyday. You just won't see me with anything but the best plugged into my head. This is why today my search for a new set of earphones has finally ended.



You can tell straight away that I've spent quite a lot on these. Four diamonds (unknown carat) used for eyes is a really welcome touch. The sound quality meets all my expectations and I'm pleased that Insonic have included a largely over looked feature of legs and arms. My last headphones neglected this feature and if you know me, you'll know I was very vocal about it. My only real criticism is that those arms do kind of jut into my ears like little pins, it's just a shade off excruciating trying to listen to an entire album.

Criticisms aside, I can report that the build quality is as good as the sound quality. I was alarmed at the cashier's response to my question of 'Will these earphones control an iPhone 3GS running iOS4.0.2' being a decisive 'Yes'. I can't help thinking I was the victim of a ruse but then, I maybe missing where the mic and 'call accept' button is.

I'm especially pleased that Insonic has catered for all people below the height of 5ft by attaching a 2ft white cable to the earphones. Admittedly this does mean that my height, an uncommon 6ft 1", leaves my iPhone swinging freely in my pocket until it finally disconnects.

Insonic have helpfully included some statistics that these babies can pump out on the packaging. I will list these here in the hope that it's one day found by someone genuinely looking for the power handling figures.

Impedance: 32ohms at 1KHZ
Sensitivity: 100DB/MW
Power Handling: 0.05Wmw
Frequency Response: 20-20,000HZ

You can probably decipher through those numbers that the sound quality is in the area around 'top notch' and 'well good'. They have a fascinating ability to make any music you play sound like it's being performed live, two fields over, by a cover band. With an aging music collection, I for one welcome the change.

My assumption is that you have either ordered and are awaiting dispatch or you are hovering over the 1-click-buy option on Amazon for this exact model. My only advice is to buy a different model. The ladybug would sit much better in the ear while the puppy head may also be an option worth considering.

Rating 9/10

Inadvertent self-deprecation and how I plan to do absolutely nothing about it.

Well it's been some time since I've thrown some incredibly witty and by no means entirely pointless words on this blog. There was a time when I thought I'd update this place with a certain frequency that could satisfy a readership but that frequency never surfaced and unsurprisingly that readership never... Let's move on. Hopeless.

The internet has changed. The internet has changed if your name is identical to my birth name. Having a relatively unique surname and the forename Simon meant that in my schooling there was never a moment of confusion; asides from how utterly bloody handsome our rugby playing welsh physical education teacher was. I never shared the same frustration when the commonly named arose at the same time to collect commendations, in fact rather smugly - all through these ceremonies I never had to stand once. I never had the problem of people inadvertently shouting my name in public; apart from a dear friend with problems that it would be too cruel to go into here. I've never even really had a name that could be misconstrued as something else. Although when the word 'Someone' is spoken aloud in the context of something that I have done, shouldn't have done, and am not proud of doing; I've been known to think they knew it was me all along and just plainly admitted my guilt. I tell you, you've never seen disappointment until you've seen a no win no fee solicitor lose £23,500 because the defendant misunderstood the word 'Someone'.

Back in the late 1990s and early 2000s I was arguably at the top of my game. That's if you call searching on your own name using Google as a game. Performing a search of would plop my colourful site right at the top. Interestingly that website attracted multiple hits from people expecting something entirely different which is a good reason to not call your site 'Simon's Brand Spanking New Mountain Biking Website'. Fast forward over ten years and I've dropped off the radar not because my web presence has diminished more that I've been replaced. The same search now rather alarmingly shows that my name is not as unique as I once thought, in fact the same search now shows one guy I share my name with is a social networking maniac. There isn't a single company that he hasn't given his details to. From Facebook, Bebo and Twitter to LinkedIn, Myspace and Flickr - he's everywhere. Whether or not he's a lunatic for divulging such an amount of personal details about himself or just a bit silly I bet he'd find it hard to make those social networking site names rhyme like that. 20 seconds that took.

This is where I had a little think about it all. There was a time when matters like this would genuinely bother me and I would attempt to gain back some page rank positions. I could release a new website, gather some buzz from forums and get a few hits and links to rise up the ranks but then one thing dawned on me. Being lost in a flood of similarly named folk intent on bleeding all their personal details means that my own identity is reduced significantly, thus a reduction in risk of ex-friends, ex-girlfriends and ex work colleges contacting me. Fabulous.

It's not all plain sailing, mind. Just a few weeks ago I hear from an old friend. We've drifted apart over the years; her job, her social group, those letters I sent, those things I said, those legal proceedings. What I was unaware of is that she had been casually checking what I'd been up to and how I was by dipping into my social networking sites. Charming I thought, it's nice to be thought of in such a way. Sadly she'd been following a Facebook profile with a misleadingly vague profile picture for eighteen months, resulting in quite a few assumptions that I was very interested in paintball and hip-hop. At a stretch I could claim I wouldn't mind trying paintball.

This lead me to believe that the volume approach to hiding yourself amongst the similarly named isn't necessarily the best way to achieve net-neutrality, cemented by spending time convincing another distant friend that I hadn't moved to Portsmouth just a few days later. It's a tricky balance as to how much I mind. If I've all but lost contact with these friends then it could be fun for them to believe I've changed so much. There's nothing worse than seeing someone in the street and they ask you 'So, what are you up to now?' and you have nothing to report back. Although that said, I did bump into an old school friend who I hadn't seen in 10 years, asked the obvious question of 'What are you up to now?' only to receive the answer "I'm just getting lunch.".

An Open Letter.

Dear All,

I am writing an open letter to encourage a purchase of the Sony Playstation 3 by the end of October so we can all play Little-Big-Planet together (please see video below). If needed I have compiled a list of excuses you can use to approach respected, respective partners:

1. It's BLUE RAY. The future, and we're doomed without it. Please emphasise the word DOOMED. Don't worry about them understanding what BluRay is, just remind them that their VHS and DVD collections are now obsolete.

2. It's very quiet and can be neatly tucked away due to it's wireless design. You may want to draw some potentially sexist context into this by adding that "It's about as quiet as a refrigerator." In the case of the disc spinning and reading data it may be worth comparing it to "The subtle hum of a low powered microwave or a fan assisted oven".

3. It's High Definition, it's the FUTURE. Your current HD setups are helping no one. Over the comming weeks, gradually degrade the picture quality of your televisions by using an ever increasing depth of laminate over the screen. On visiting a friend's home or indeed a PS3 retail outlet you can point out the vast difference in quality that the PS3 provides.

4. You can charge your iPod off it, darling. People like nothing more than to see one of their own beloved devices working in harmony with a new technological monster. Present them with the facts. Those USB ports are powered and will power any USB device that allows charging over the sync cable. Try not to let that last (or infact, only) fact slip, make it seem as if his/her device is especially special and the PS3 knows it.

5. I will no longer require you to walk to Blockbuster to get me my DVD rentals, Sweetie. The PSN network promises movie rentals, trailers and television episodes. The PSN network fails to deliver on two of the three but has what we can refer to as POTENTIAL. Blind faith in the future is a hard one to convince even the most niave of partners but it is possible with a few ripped movies sitting on the hard drive until the features are there to exploit.

6. With my ever increasing social problems, twined with my ever increasing drinking problems; I can become a social butterfly with the aid of the Playstation 3. If your partner is anything like mine, she'll be writing letters in secret to your parents expressing a concern for your growing detatchment from society. Here's your chance to get back on the social bandwagon by 'blowing shit up' with friends. Via the bluetooth headset you can chat to friends (who you have no intention of meeting) across the globe. Pitch this one as "You know Skype, well..." and you're on the right course.

I bid ye good luck, see you online in October 2008.

More HD Time lapse in London

Sunny Clouds, sunny day! from Simon on Vimeo.
More time lapse, it's becoming quite an obsession. This one is a couple of hours at 1 shot every 6 seconds. If your computery machine is powerful enough, hit the 'HD ON/OFF' button to see it in glorious High Definition.

the London mood

the London mood from Simon on Vimeo.
Been having fun making time lapse films of clouds using a Nikon DSLR and a clever program on OSX that tells the camera to shoot a full resolution still shot at set intervals. This one is shot every 25 seconds for 200 shots, then put together at 16 frames a second. Click fullscreen, it's in 720p.

Another happy evening on the London Underground

The London Underground's cerebrally challenged magnetic lure ensures that your evening tube journey is never complete without the addition of Mr Aggravated Mental sitting within eye and ear shot. That common trait of "Try not to look and it'll all be fine, he won't bother me, just the poor bastard that happens to get eye contact" is one that should only be taken with serious thought. My advice? No hero here - get off the train and get the next one; better still, get a bloody cab. *Read further after the jump*

Not helpful? Not financially viable? If your answer is 'No' to both then first, a delicate balance must be addressed. Stay in the carriage and think it through. Start with your natural instincts. It's remarkably similar to the 'Flight or Fight' theory but worth noting that it never should include the latter unless you too wish to become perceived as said 'Mr Aggravated Mental' - especially if your Flight or Fight decision was made silently and entirely in your own mind. Granted the surprise of it all when you flip inside-out with unprovoked rage will gain the upper hand initially, but to keep up that momentum against your unfortunate, potentially misunderstood Mr Mental might not go as planned. No, just use the flight method. Every. Time.

My sudden interest in such theories and paths of action spawn solely from when I sat on a relatively empty tube just a few days ago. I'd been invited for drinks to Wimbledon, a nice place in the day but invariably becomes a nocturnal cave dedicated to men of a low aspiration and penchant for weekend blood sports. But don't get me wrong about blood sports, I enjoy the occasional game of tennis, just not in the months of winter. Little was I aware that just the tube journey alone would spark a 1000 word blog entry.

I sat opposite a lady in her early 30s who had taken the necessary steps to ensure the frankly, unnecessary 1980s craze of power dressing was kept blazing bright. Large shoulder pads, hair tight back, make-up applied with an art-set and perfume that would turn the head of every important person in the office, work drinks and now, the carriage.

On sitting down opposite her, I inadvertently pushed over her large fashionable bag which she had placed conveniently in the gang way with my feet. My impulse apology and a raise of my hand to imply force to the admission of guilt was frustratingly met with a foul look and a string of obscenities which I couldn't hear due to headphones but were easy enough to decipher using basic lip reading skills. Unless of course she called me a Ducking Rick, then I should’ve apologised for just the thoughts of my [fortunately] stifled response that she had all the hallmarks of a girl who's desperately transparent goal in life is to emulate her businessman father, whom of which cheers to her elder brother and sister's success with out and out enthusiasm while a wet empathy greets her at every step. But I’m not one to judge so I didn't mention it.

The tube grumbled along the winding tunnels (He said as if he was writing an amateur children’s novel). Stop by stop, people got on, people got off (He said as if he was explaining the fundamentals of rail travel). But it wasn't until we were just deep enough underground to ensure that not even the longest escalator could service the station (incidentally Angel has the longest in Western Europe at 318 steps. Put that in your pub quiz and smoke it) that a man of about 6 foot 5 inches boarded the train with some force as the doors tried to shut, slumped down in a seat diagonally opposite-and-left to me, and began looking about. Within seconds, I'm certain I wasn't the only one whose 'Mad Man Alert' radar started beeping with enough force to consider evacuation, but no one moved.

Until he began shouting.

Pulling out my headphones to gain the effect of a soundtrack to the carriage’s drama rather than an isolated disco in my face I watched him violently swipe at the air while muttering in circles about how we were all... well, potentially the reason for his current problems, to write it in a less colourful context. No 'Ducking Rick' in sight, he was from the get-go much more forceful and direct than any passive aggressive businesswoman in shoulder pads, and it wasn't long until we all found this out. With a surprisingly accurate lunge for a man who appeared to have spent the afternoon drinking a cocktail of pure ethanol with a depth charge of methylated spirits, he took the nasty businesswoman's bag from by her feet and proceeded to empty it out with absolutely no apparent intention of investigating its quite fantastic looking treasures. I looked over to see if he would be graced with a now, retrospectively calm insult of "Ducking Rick" but nasty business lady had become rather pail and intent on getting away from a situation which admittedly she hadn't caused, but was suddenly quite out of her depth.

Pushing the boundaries of kindness, with a subtle 'heads down' type of view as not to make him think I should become a participant as a jolly bag tipping target I tried to help the now terrified woman pile her things back into her bag. Fortunately he had made a conscious decision to climb to his feet and began kicking the door between our, and the next carriage. Creative enough; and just what we needed to evacuate the tube.


Part 2 at some stage - Including how on earth I ended up in a lift with the bloody guy.

Transmorphers DVD Review (Kind of...)

Often blockbusting films still have the movie theatre advertisements plastered throughout every town and city during the eventual DVD launch. Transmorphers on the other hand has intelligently skipped the previous and potentially confusing step by going straight to the most profitable market; deep within 170,000+ poorly listed Amazon.co.uk DVD entries that have neglected the need for a marketing budget at all. Probably a case of "If you film it, they will come" said by their brave, recently graduated PR assistant, and well... I did buy it, so fair enough.

Note: Since I wrote the above paragraph 'pre-Transmorphers' then actually watched the film, I honestly can't bring myself to look at a page, let alone write a review about that bloody film - much like the reason why I learnt to touch type; so I didn't have to look at how disgusting my keyboard is. Rather not peer down at the abundance of swamp life amongst the keys and just know I need to wash my hands at every available opportunity than look at that putrid mess of 3 years lunch fodder.

Avoid.

Surfing like it's 1998

One of the main reasons for Google becoming literally the internet's start page is it's simplicity and ease of use. Page after page of clinical, white search results clear for the eye to see. But, unfortunately this once uncluttered design has begun to bulge at the seams as Google sticks it's fingers into more and more pies, adding advertisements for revenue and functionality which resides in the obsolete to many users (read: iGoogle). With this in mind I've flicked my browser homepage, not away from Google, but towards a refined, cut down, iPhone optimised Google; dropping the Adsense and clutter while retaining 90% of the functionality.

Try it here: iPhone Google

Thinking out loud: iPod Touch

Here goes my first attempt at being involved in popular culture: Comparing the Touch to the old hard drive iPods is like comparing (*insert popular fat celebrity*) with (*insert popular thin celebrity*) it's Thinner, lighter, prettier and has a bigger screen. Wait, that hasn't worked.

To be perfectly honest, not only is it a bad attempt at a comparison but I really shouldn't compare the old iPod with the touch because there is in fact a better comparison with the new 'iPod Classic' but I don't own one of those so we're stuck with this. Read on to judge whether or not the new Touch is worth the heavy price.

PROS

Better audio - Noticeably better sound quality. I went back two steps with the 80GB iPod when I had been using the Archos AV400 line of players which had (have) remarkably superior sound over the iPods. The Touch is marginally better and I noticed better low and high tones in music. What ever that means.

No more bloody click wheel - I swear I was the only person who thought the click wheel was an appalling way to navigate your music, now Apple seem to have read my previous blog post and created the iPod Touch. On the Touch all the menus are in list form and a simple flick of your finger scrolls through them. There's also the option of Cover Flow which allows you to browse your music by album artwork, filling the gap of people who still feel the need to have a visual aid like the CD covers of yester-year. It's a very pretty and well implemented way to browse but to be totally honest, it's a much slower way to get to the track you want and i do tend to just forget it's available. Basically, the list view is so well done that it makes the cover flow option obsolete. God I’m glad it doesn't have an on screen touch version of the click wheel like some of their early patents for this device had.

Instant connect to your trusted wifi networks - Ok, maybe not instant but it's very fast, you'd be hard pressed to open safari quick enough to see that it wasn't connected. This is similar to the Macbooks etc, very useful.

Wifi for web browsing is incredibly good. I've used several touch screen devices to browse the web in the past and the Touch is by far the most impressive, easy to use, stab at mobile web browsing out there. Sadly I tend to get very spoilt when a suitable Wifi connection is about and very much miss it when it's gone. It just becomes a video iPod without the added dynamic of the web. It's impressive to think that the Apple web browser, safari, only has one real difference between the full Mac OSX application and the Touch's version and that is that the Touch's version is actually really good.

No more hold switch - That's right, there's no hold switch, it's now a firm button which I'm finding is much better to use than having to flick the thing back and forth. This does sound rather lazy on my part but when you've been using it for a prolonged period of time, going from sleep to awake a lot it does make sense and IS useful.

Enough of the praise, we all know it's a good looking wee bastard, it's the things it does wrong or doesn't do that irritate me and may interest you. Welcome to the cons.

CONS

I've always thought that the curvature to the corners are there not just there for the aesthetics; they also trick the mind into thinking this is an object that's been used, worn down like a pebble in a river over hundreds of years. This creates an immediate love for the device and is the reason you see every woman, man and child shining their finger print ridden iPod on the train. So they make you love the thing, but how do they ensure that this product still has a limited lifespan? A piss poor shiny back, that's how! When are they going to drop this idea or start using a metal that isn't made of 90% butter so it picks up every conceivable scratch possible? When the cable of your headphones leaves an impression in the metal casing, you know there's a problem. I mean, for christ's sake, un-boxing it left a hairline scratch before the end of our first few minutes together. So this cynical view of the shiny back is that Apple is perfectly happy for you to gradually scratch the hell out of the device to add the visual ware and tear which will eventually implement a new iPod purchase.

16GB - Too few gigabytes? This really is a double edged sword and is only held back by the technological advances in flash memory being slower that we'd all ideally like. I frankly loathed the sluggish hard disk based menu on the older iPods browsing and flash memory being noticeably faster in all instances, with better battery life kind of makes me not care about the space limitation. It feels like there was going to be a time when Apple jumped to flash based memory for their flagship line and I'm happy it's sooner rather than later. Maybe this should be in the Pros section?

No email app/no 'add calendar entry'
This is infuriating and frankly is the biggest reason to shelve the idea of buying an iPod touch all together. If not for the fact that you can't live without a fully functioning calendar, then for the fact that Apple has deliberately disabled a productivity feature to extend the narrow divide between the Touch and the iPhone. To cannibalize the iPhone's market is something they are desperate not to do; they've just gone about it in such a ridiculous way. GSM and EDGE capabilities alone are by far the biggest and most obvious separation between the two different products, so why they feel the need to take the 'Add Calendar entry' button is beyond me. Moving away from the admittedly small calendar issue, there's other more glaring things that are missing such as Google Maps and remarkably there is NO Email application. Roll on the hackers who unlock the device and allow iPhone applications to be run on the more than capable hardware of the Touch.

No casual games - That screen is really quite clever, being multi touch and all. To have an addictive little touch screen game on it would be great but they seem to have over looked it. Well at least, they've not started charging for them (yet).

No way to view 'Track information' - Being able to view the ID3 tag info is really useful at times, especially for Podcasts when there's text about the episode. Not having an option, or at least one I can find is really annoying. I can't imagine there's a good reason to exclude it.

No hardware volume buttons - Granted, the double click of the home key to bring up your current music feature is good and works well but it'd be much more convenient to alter the sound in your pocket using a button with tactical feedback, say on the side of the device. It would kill the lines somewhat but frankly it's best to opt for functionality over sex appeal sometimes.

No free content on wireless iTunes store - Though very slick and incredibly fast to download from, the iTunes store is missing quite a useful section. Podcasts and Video Podcasts have been left out entirely. I was actually looking forward to being able to get hold of podcasts on the go, more so than the expensive DRM infested music they sell. Just for pure interest alone from people exploring their new device I would have though a podcast section would be perfect. My guess is that a lot of people, myself included actually bought music to see how it works where as if free items were available I would have used them. At least I was supporting a friend’s band but incredibly I can't now share their own music with them because of Digital Rights Management.

Proprietary cable - WHY can't apple start using mini/micro USB like the rest of the world's consumer electronic manufacturers?!

No wifi sync/music transfer - Such a shame that a device with wifi can't get one of the most useful things right in being able to transfer your music to it without using the supplied cable. To be able to access and update your library while the iPod Touch is in your bag, in another room would be beyond useful. Even the ability to use that wifi for streaming to a wifi media center or your Mac plugged into speakers would be great. And, hey; it would mean I wouldn't have to find that bloody proprietary cable every time.

Conclusion - The iPod Touch is a funny creature. On one hand it's a fantastic iPod, with good video functionality, music and photos but on the other, it's a poor PDA with a pretty screen and clever picture scaling. I knew when I was buying the device that the excluded apps and functionality (comparative to the iPhone) would bug me - but they honestly haven't. I've found that every missing app is easily replaced with a 'made for iPod Touch/iPhone' web app (read: Gmail, Digg and the dreaded Facebook). So if it's not the functionality then what is it?

I think what really pisses me off the most is the fact that this device is more than capable of running every non GSM/EDGE reliant application that the iPhone does and the simple reason for them not including it is the cannibalization of an entirely different product. There's two many iPod Touch reviews focusing on the similarities and comparisons between this and the iPhone which frankly miss the point entirely. Even the Engadget review seemed like they were struggling to justify their $599 iPhone purchases when real the point in hand is that this IS the new iPod, it's the way they're going in future and so far, that future is looking very sunny indeed.

(Additional note, if the future is sunny indeed, screen may not perform as expected in bright light.)

A multitude of buttons, switches and twisty things

Now that the fancy new DSLR camera is here, it's ok for me to take pictures of fruit on my office desk and not be considered remotely strange. It's perfectly acceptable to view everything around me as art - looking at every shaft of light, that broken branch, that crumbling wall. All as long as you can figure out how on earth your own bloody camera works.

I've deliberately implemented a steep learning curve by taking a plunge into the deep end of photography. Hopefully now my constant theft of other people's DSLR cameras will subside and in no time at all through the power of Wikipedia and Google, I'll start seeing some results other than still fruit in a suburban office complex.

Totally new look, *totally* new approach

With a new look and a new outlook, I've decided to go out of my way and announce that there's a very good chance of me updating this blog more than once a year. So, 2007's out the way...

Yes.

Someone's playing a dangerous game

"This photo shows our old office building at 122 Leadenhall Street which is currently being demolished from the ground upwards (really!). The seven upper floors are supported entirely by the central core containing the lifts and staircase. I've never seen it done like that before - weird!"

And then our road turned into a film set...

It hasn't happened often (read: once in the 1970s) but it seems we've become Hollywood again. Supposed to be a BBC show set in Clapham. West London's never been so South. It'd be worth clicking the images to zoom if my nervous little hands would keep still with all the excitement.

iHarbour and the spiralling sense of defeat

Sitting on public transport you can look left to right and wouldn't have enough fingers to count the white headphones pointing towards their shiny DAP, ripe for the picking of any iMugger who fancies an upgrade. It's this enormous user base that has always deterred me from buying into what Apple describes as 'Wearing an iPod' and the stigma that goes with it.

In the last 6 years the players that have graced my ears have varied in quality and in some cases lacked the astatically pleasing lines and curves of an iPod but they all had one thing in common; they all pushed the market forward with a new, groundbreaking feature. I started my jaunt into portable digital audio players with the Archos 6000. Only one word can truly sum up this device up, it was a bloody brick. I remember if I put it in my pocket it would pull down my trousers so I always had to have it in my coat pocket; a real disability in the blazing heat of an August day I can tell you. The great thing about this player was it had a whopping 6GB hard drive 6 years ago. I then moved on to some very poor flash based drives then onto the Archos AV420 (20GB) which could record from any source, including the television which could then be played back just like a small DVR. Clever stuff. From here I moved onto a smaller, flash based player, the Sansa E20 (6GB/2GB Micro SD). This was a great player but I very quickly got fed up with not having my entire music collection with me on the move so this only lasted about 4 months. From here I was at a loss, there was no player on the market that was small in size, large in capacity and worked nicely with my Mac and pc. That's when I had the opportunity to pick up an 80GB 5th generation iPod for a fraction of the cost in USD. When your defence is down, anything can get in.

It's worth mentioning here that I was fully aware of the majority of an iPod's restrictions and quirks so the rest of this could just sound like bad research or stupidity on my part. I'm happy for you to pick one of the two but do maintain the thought that some of these annoyances are pure fantasy as to the MP3 player I really want, but does not yet exist.

• The dreaded Sync - If like me, you've spend many hours getting your MP3 collection just right over the last 8 years then you should approach iTunes very carefully. When you first install, ensure the button is unchecked which offers to automatically organise your music collection or you'll be left with a very different file structure. Syncing your music with iTunes and the iPod brings up some of the least convenient results when you're not really used to a computer making choices for you. I find it hard to pin point exactly what I don't like about the sync feature but I probably have a hard time with it so much because I like to be completely in control of folders on my portable devices and my PC/Mac. For iTunes to be responsible for syncing, especially when it comes to podcasts, I can miss that something has been added or more terrifyingly - removed without my knowledge or consent.
• Clicking Click wheel - For some reason this clicking really rubbed me the wrong way so it was the first alteration to the default settings that I made. It's probably there to mimic the old 1st generation mechanical click wheel that no longer exists. Thinking more about that click wheel as a whole, I think I would prefer one with a mechanical wheel to get a better tactical feedback on it anyway.
• Share and share alike - Often I'll visit a friend's home and rape their recently downloaded music and videos (only the legit, non digitally rights managed, legal stuff, naturally). Put video or music on the iPod and you'll struggle to drag and drop it back off the device and onto another person's PC. Pretty selfish to take and not give so apart from using the storage section of the drive, you need to use a third party application to extract them. Annoying.
• Doesn’t output to HD signal for displaying on a HDTV - Kind of a shame but understandable.
• Wifi is something that's getting much more commonplace in handheld electronic devices, a standard Wifi chip costs about $1/£0.50 to Apple and their iPod is more than powerful enough to utilise one. So why haven't they! My guess is that even if the technology is immediately available to them, it's in their best interest to stagger the leaps in technology to suck dry the financial gain from every generation of iPod. If they put all their cards on the table in one move, they'll have nothing to throw down in 8 months time when the new iPod is unveiled. To be fair, this has to be pretty much standard business practice but that doesn't make it any less frustrating for the consumer.
• Is it just me or is the iPod really below standard on battery life? I get about 5 hours use before my brain gets the "Must find charger" dread of seeing a battery symbol below 50%. With video it's substantially less. My old Sansa spoiled me somewhat, with 20 hours of audio playback and 8 hours of video. My only complaint with that was that if I used it for 20 hours over the space of 2 weeks, I would always loose the charger so at least the iPod one is always to hand. It's a fine balance of battery life and neglect in an MP3 player it seems.
• Doesn't sync through fire wire - Great! Enough said. The more ways of avoiding the sync feature the better.
• Proprietary cable - Mini USB would be incredibly useful. Call me cynical but I'm assuming Apple have done this to assist in 3rd party companies seeking the coveted badge of 'Made for iPod' on their packaging. This is a relatively unknown tax which assures the user to a high quality and the fact that it will work correctly, but also means Apple gets a 10% percentage of the retail price of a product they have not developed themselves. Sneaky.
• I was happy to see there's a software noise restriction lock in the menus. The amount of times I've accidentally blasted my ears with the first five chords of Pantera's classic love song "F***ing Hostile" is beginning to have long term effects on my hearing. This is especially relevant to sound isolating headphones as they need less than 60% of the full volume bar to be more than effective due to the nature of them blocking out background noise. The bottom line is that the thought of owning an iPod AND being deafened by it would be too much to bare.
• Formatted for Mac means you can't use with PC - Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm guessing this is to do with the FAT32 formatting used in Windows and not as on Macs?! Irritating none the less that I have to format it on my PC so that it works on both platforms. Without access to a PC with iTunes it would be even more frustrating.
• Non user replaceable battery - it worries me that one of the hottest topics of discussion in the office is replacing a dead iPod battery that only lasts 30mins after 1 year of use. It's no mistake that the user can't replace the battery, I’m sure of it. Apple have made the assumption that most people will just buy the most up to date iPod as a replacement, if I’m honest, I probably would too if they made it all shiny and whacked Wifi and a touch screen in it, with a 250GB drive and a 1080i projector stuck in the top...

The bottom line is, I own an iPod and am finding it to be a love/hate relationship. It’s not the most stable of operating systems and often freezes up but I am impressed with the intuitive, simple interface design which I’ve used previously in Front Row on the Mac. The iPod for all its annoyances does do one important thing right and that’s the audio quality. Since using various portable music players this one really does come out on top of the pile, especially when used with a decent set of headphones like the Shure E2Cs. I like the form factor and the way I can put 80GB of storage into my pocket and pretty much forget it’s there. There’s also a great advantage to owning a player that 60 million other people own and that’s a constant supply of cables, support and people willing to put time into hacking the device to turn it into something which is more deserving of the title of Market Leader.

Ok Apple, I think this gunfight is over; I'm running low on bullet points anyway.

Excellent Echo

Simple things for simple people. This building has to be made like this on purpose.

A reasonable stab at travel blogging

Syracuse is a town which appears to be cut very definitely into two halves. On one side, which I presume is downtown; the city has been left to fend for itself since it was first created as an industrial area even though the businesses who own the factories have long since left. The buildings that remain would be an estate agent’s wet dream in London as they all are great representations of studio style but here in Syracuse there’s no desire to invest. The surprise stark contrast was when we approached the university campus which seems to me to be the vast majority and focus of the entire city. Here, millions of dollars has, and still is being pumped into a thriving university community.

Dead nice, but a bit showy. I was especially interested to see that they’d adopted a slanty style to their architecture which I feel has been captured perfectly in this photograph.

If I remember correctly, this building was used in Back to the Future, Back to the Future II AND Back to the Future III. But I’ve been wrong before.

Syracuse and the Cellular Car

Dating an American girl, there’s never a day that passes without me learning something about her culture and variation on the English language. More often than not I’ll slip a phrase into conversation that seems completely run of the mill and I’m instantly stopped with the question, ‘Run of the what?’ Today one word that the English rarely use came up and it was only while I was sitting in one that I realized exactly the true meaning of the word.

Here is Kate’s AutoMobile [phone]. I’m making the assumption that she would refer to it as an AutoCell but I feared to ask, and involve her in another conversation while driving at 45mph on a back street covered in snow. When the call ended and another one appeared to begin I put my foot down (left hand drive, me in the front… forget it) and suggested she continued her conversation about a broken wing mirror at home. See picture below, I’m assured it was from falling ice and not a phone related prang.

To be fair, her driving excels way beyond that of an English road user but I guess when you know there’s a good possibility of that 2.5 ton SUV being piloted by a man trying to text message his wife, you’d all drive with a certain due care and attention.

And it's good night from Mii

The ipod Macbook

Well, looks as if Amazon.co.uk knows its audience pretty well. This reminds me of the time I heard a friend say "I want and Ipod, what is an Ipod?". We're all doomed.
(posted from the new Ipod MacBook)

Football after an 8 year rest period

Our new 5-aside team does seem like we’re mostly all mouth and no trousers. The entire thing is Jack’s fault:

“A bit of football on Saturday would be good. It could even lay the foundations of a certain soon to be legendary five-a-side team. We are called The Mighty Mitchell Hot Rods. (I am also captain).

Anyone else want to play football? Low standards expected.”

Joff: I put them away up front like nobody's business. I used to play upfront for the Guildford and Shere league and once guided my team (as captain) to the league title, won player of the season and scored 30 goals in the process, including a hat-trick in the last game (which was the title decider). Although I have lost my pace a little in the last 12 years and my touch has waned slightly my positional play is still second to none. However in five a side I prefer to play all over the pitch. Kind of a roaming role, like Gerrard but with more of a killer instinct.
Therefore my position in the team will be crucial to our success.I hope this gives some food for thought.J. Griffiths (No.11).

Simon: I played for Onslow Boys for three years... Started on the A team and scored in the first game during a crushing 11-1 defeat. Played in every game following that for the B squad, flanking the right wing with blistering pace on the half sized pitches. I was know for breaking up the wing, loosing the defence and being so tired that my eventual cross was disappointing at best.

The first two seasons we came in around the bottom half but the third season we came second, loosing out to Send who had a 6.2” black guy up front who's probably in the premiership by now, living in a mock Tudor house with a Ferrari sitting on 16"s... That season I scored about 8 goals, one of which benefited heavily from the constant shielding of the keepers vision by 20 excited boys ball chasing and was actually pretty good. From the outside of the box, I took a blind shot and it ended up top right corner. With no netting to stop the ball in the goal that game, only half the players believed it had crossed the line. Ace.

Drink, drugs and smoking then took a heavy toll on Onslow Boys and we were consistently sick week in week out on the touchline. I quit when the manager lost all our kits and asked for us to pay for new ones.

Dan: My football career began in an assistant coaching role alongside my farther and football suprimo Philip Griffiths. Philip has football genes in his blood as his farther was asked to play football for Everton. After helping leading Guildford City Boys to the title which largely involved pretending I kicked the ball so hard that I needed to collapse on the floor due to the shear speed I decided that the role as Goalkeeper would be more fitting so I retired from coaching for a role on the field in the big boys league. After only two training sessions the manager threatened to give me half a game. This day never came and I retired after only four training sessions.

I am not in goal.

Jack: Coming from a family with a fine football heritage (my father George Mitchell once had a trial with Cowdenbeath FC) it was always inevitable that I too would fall in love with the beautiful game. I started out as lightening quick forward before steadily being moved away from the oposition goal. My career was blighted with injury concerns in the mid 1990s that helped speed up my retirement from competitive sport (I had a sore knee) but I have retained my thirst for the sport as a keen spectator and judger of others, and as an admired and sought-after master of Pro Evolution Soccer.

Nicknames:
'Flash'
'Dead-Centre'
'Dynamo'
Teams, Positions and Honours:

Team: Daven County Primary School
Position: Centre Foward (1982 - 1992); Central Midfield (1992 - 1994)
Honours: Seimans Cup Winners 1992

Team: The Vale FC
Position: Full-back (1993 - 1994)
Honours: Clubman of the Year 1994

Team: Shere Tigers FC
Position: Full-back (1994 - 1997)
Honours: League Two runners up 1996; League Cup finalists 1996; Most improved player of the year 1995

References:

Mr Tamplin from Congleton
'Jock' from Chilworth

Jim: My career began in Cwmnedd Primary School where I featured several times for the school team in midfield. My memories of this time are poor.

At age 11 I joined Glynneath Juniors and played as a full-back (left and right) for 4 seasons. We came 5th out of 20 in the first season and never really recaptured that form. I played in midfield for a couple of games, I did not score a single goal and only accumulated a handful of assists. I almost scored an own goal when I hit the post against local rivals Onllwyn, and once accidentally hit the opposition crossbar against Lonlas. I was reknowned for my distinct lack of fitness, my feeble pace and for being so short that I actually ran underneath my boots. The only advantage that came with my relative immobility was that I slowly developed enviable yet irrelavent ball control skills, which I pride myself on to this day.

The team disbanded when I was 15, and I think shortly after I broke my hand in 3 different places. The next competitive match I played after that was in Newport where, despite still being horrendously drunk from the previous night's shenanigans, my playing style was likened to that of Ronaldinho's. This, I feel, is entirely inaccurate and I regularly claim that my style is more Le Tissier/Merson/Gascoigne-oriented. Then I joined the Mighty Mitchell Hot Rods......

Viva Piñata!

I've been able to import a new game before the scheduled 1st Dec UK launch. Viva Piñata is quite possibly the polar opposite of anything I’ve been playing in the last couple of weeks. From Gears of War's ambitious urban settings and slaying a Locus horde to last night when I spent an hour trying to convince two little Piñata birds to bang each other (or as they call it 'Romancing') to make more cute little chicks.

I've barely scratched the surface, but as far as I can gather I'm an enterprising gardener with a penchant for Piñata. To begin with it asked me for the name of my new plot of land. After careful thought I decided upon the name "The Kingdom of Smiles" as not to alienate the online community with something vulgar - I'll save those for my Piñata names. The first resident; a tiny Piñata called Whirm wandered into my garden. I took the opportunity to rename the cute little wormy thing to Spaz and he pottered about making odd snuffling noises while I acclimatised myself with the simple controls.

Spaz occupied himself and explored the garden until another worm came along, imaginatively called Whirm2; so I renamed him Spack and they got on like a house on fire. I was offered a tutorial on how to build Spack and Spaz a little house made of pipes but excited at the prospect I skipped through it and was left confused at well, lets face it - a children’s game. It turns out the Whirms would need a home to begin the 'romancing' side to the game so I was definitely interested in this. After trawling through all 4 available pages of the ever-expanding Journal, I managed to get a kind man to build the Whirms a home to start what in my mind was some sort of pornographic worm dungeon love. In actuality their 'Romancing' was played out through a sweet dance which if true, I've probably fathered many a child in the early 90s during all those school dances.

During the creation I was distracted by a new resident arriving and totally forgot about the Whirm 'Romancing' project I’d started. Maybe I figured they were getting on so well that I’d lost interest anyway. The new arrival was a little bird that seemed pretty reluctant to stay awake even during the daytime. The extent of his laziness is still the bane of the Kingdom of Smiles as he simply won't show any interest in 'doing' the other bird that turned up minutes later. I've tried different approaches, pushing them together, buying them a home, even showing them a crude demonstration using the cursor but the buggers won't even gain eye contact.

In any case, Viva Piñata seems to be a great game. I'm enjoying its total change of pace when stacked up against the epic Gears of War. Seriously, if Amazon had an ounce of sense they'd offer this as one of their 'Perfect Partners' and they'd sell plenty more in the run up to Christmas. I like the idea of using this game as a cunning excuse to buy an XBOX360 for people who have young kids too, I certainly would choose this avenue of deceit if I had a child and hadn't have already splurged £300+ on one.

Without a doubt, Viva Piñata’s one of the more surprising flagship titles to turnout my wallet this year, t'is good.

Simon reviews the theatre

It's not often I'm taken to the theatre. The last time was 1997 to see Michael Flattley dance from the waist down in the THREE HOUR production of River Dance. Ten years later and I'm offered to see a play called ‘Porgy and Bess’ about a 'cripple', Porgy who incidentally can only dance from the waist up.


‘Porgy and Bess’ places its focus on a Middle America town that somehow has an ocean meters from the front gate. Either that's a choppy lake or.. Well it might not have been Middle America. In any case, there was a nice setup of wooden building fronts and a ladder that was regularly used to ascend and descend from the upper floor. Sadly even my best attempts at willing an actor to put one foot wrong and end up on his arse didn't work but it made me giggle a few times just at the thought.

Opening the play was a scene where they were all inebriated and taking a drug called 'Happy Dust'. The sheer amount of people drunkenly dancing so close to a 12ft drop down to the orchestra had my mind in over drive at the potential mess that could be caused; but I was left as disappointed with this as I was with the ladder incident. I felt a bitter taste in my mouth when I realised they were acting drunk and probably quite sober and able to judge distances. They began to feel more like liars than actors.

We met each character in succession using the perfectly natural occurrence of using one another’s names 4-5 times in each sentence and they set the ground work for what crap was going to surface later on. Notable crap includes the transparency of each major character, with each personality trait magnified to the extent that even the dullest of theatregoers would get the gist that "He's a bady, he's a goody and she's from the wrong side of the tracks but wants to change her ways". We met Bess and a big guy who, even though the name was drummed into my skull, I cant remember his name. These two seemed from the outset to be the main characters but then I considered the play's name and figured that the guy Porgy must be pretty high up there too.

As Porgy's character was built into a tortured soul who'd lived a lonely life, (at one stage in his bedroom which cleverly extended out into centre stage) I found it hard to understand why this play had just crashed through the 1hr 30 mark. It really was dragging and the novelty of song had all but gone. Although one bit that made me appreciate the music was when a couple of bars coincidentally sounded like a score from 'O Brother Where Art Thou' so I spent the rest of the play thinking how out of character George Clooney had been to accept a 90% pay cut to do that film.

I heard the woman in front of me breathing a sharp sympathetic breath when Porgy was treated badly or pushed about. She seemed to be touched by the hardship that a life of being a 'cripple' has but I doubt she'd lift her heavy jewellery to help him in the street. On that, the theme of Porgy being a cripple was constant and weak. Instead of writing tricky lines of dialogue to express emotion they'd just ping him out of his chair and we'd all watch as he looked uncomfortable on the floor. After 3 times of him staggering back into his chair I lost patience with him.

It's a good time to mention that there wasn't a moment when I didn’t feel I was suffocating under the weight of the music; the orchestra were very excitable at every opportunity, especially on an entrance or exit of ANY character. When Porgy made another trip to the floor or struggled with his crutches we got a Disney esq swan song; when they were all happy at a picnic we got bold brass and crashing symbols. Predictable but I believe standard so I’ll let it that slide. I suppose really when I didn't even notice the music it was working at its best to simply provide a cinematic, subtle experience but when it was in your face, it just plain pissed me off.

The story rolled on with a murder, which was quite thrilling for a time. The murderer then fled and later came back to get his girl, Bess who'd conveniently shacked up with Porgy to complete the play's title. Porgy then rather out of character murdered the murderer and was dragged off to prison only to return a week later (mercifully only 20mins real time) and all was ignored and forgotten. Surely I wasn't the only person that found it hard to ignore Porgy had just brutally murdered a man? Then came a string of lines (sung, naturally) that I felt we were being asked to show sympathy. Of course, his girl Bess had run off with a drug dealer to New York, so there was some sympathy but more importantly this was setting us up for theatre’s comedic moment of the century.

Waiting for a three-hour punch line, I wasn't disappointed. To cut it short and ruin the ending, Porgy sang an uninspiring song that he was going to go get his girl back, got steadily to his feet… now bear in mind I'd lasted 2hrs 50mins without a peep but disaster struck when he threw his crutches away and walked off stage in such a way that it made me spit at the people sitting in front of me. Thankfully the loud applause drowned out my snorting and giggling.

In conclusion, theatre hasn’t changed significantly enough in the past ten years to compel me to go again. It's the same twisted storylines as the last one I saw and a same crossed fingers that the curtain would drop. If it wasn't for the free review tickets I doubt I'd have even considered attending such a show but even though the gripes are there, I did kind of enjoy being out on a tuesday.

Three hours I’ll never see again but a lifetime’s lesson that'll prevent such a reoccurrence. Although, that whole Lion King looks pretty…

All done.

Rocking.

A trip to the Co-Op with Darth Vader

Regardless of the sick feeling in my stomach and the slight wane in my voice I put on a brave face and we set off.

It was only after buying beer from the Co-Op that I reflected on when we were kids we could have been served alcohol underage purely by wearing a robot costume. The staff had no problem serving Mr Roboto or indeed Darth Vader.

Man made VIRUS

The last thing that should happen to a robot has happened, I got so smashed last night that today I feel at anytime I could see my lunch again. A decent worry now is BOTH putting on trousers AND leaving the house.

Taking shape, taking stock

I can feel myself getting excited just at seeing it across the room now. Often I just put the head on and prance about telling my flatmates that I'm a robot.

My main concern still is the legs and arms. I have a terrible feeling my jaunt into robotics is almost at the end for this creation but I'm refusing to admit it. Having a little fall in the hallway clarified my biggest fear so I'm going to be realistic about this and just discard my original plans.

Knowing your own strengths

At this stage of creation I've decided that my efforts need to be recognised in some sort of public way. Here is my email, I wait a reply.

Dear Party People.

I was just enquiring if there is some sort of prize structure planned for Saturday's fancy dress? You know, to encourage us kids to dress up? Note: (Here, you may see that I'm very much bluffing. I'm the first to realise the strength of my potential entry to a competition. Some events worth winning need adequate mind games.)

Yours Faithfully
Simon

A head for robotics, a body for disco dancing.

I had the disappointing choice of grey or hot pink; since I don't frequent that scene on weekends it seems unsuitable. Gunmetal grey it is then (or to give it the actual, less tough sounding name 'Ford Nimbus Grey'). I assume Ford is a robot manufacturer like myself.

The kind lady in the shop told me they are the "best robot parts in Surbiton" and that "I'm lucky she deals in art equipment AND robotical engineering". Although, having said that I quizzed her on the fundamental principles of two-legged robotic walking and she backed off.

Now that the Robot paint is applied, the cardboard should now be referred to by its correct name - Pliable Titanium Alloy or PTA. Brief correspondence with the local 'Parent Teacher Association' cleared up some confusion but the fear of the 'Postcard Traders Association' contacting me is constant.
It might look suspiciously like a box but that's just a trick of the eye. When the PTA is applied, it'll all become clear. At this point I must admit that my plans were in fact totally floored. To put it simply, if I wear something as restrictive as the upper half on my legs, the effect would be fantastic but the mobility would be impaired to an extent that could cause an untimely death on the escalators of Greenwich Station. This is an inappropriate option taking into account the party’s 7pm start time.

Plans

As with all great designs, accurate blueprints are critical. See below the precise measurements and technical drawings? You can't teach that.

Soggy robotics

I just can't help thinking the weather is mocking my efforts.

If you're going to go, go dressed as a robotic drunk.

I think part of the research should contain the mobility of the robot. I'm going for pretty much full on body coverage but If I cant even make it out my front door I'm screwed.

Google Maps seems confident that it's exactly 11 miles to the destination, a figure I don’t doubt. What scares me is the ambitious '24 mins' journey time. They have clearly not taken into consideration that someone may be completing the journey in a cardboard robot suit with very little visibility. In fact, the more I consider the inaccuracy, the more I believe that Google thinks I can drive a vehicle dressed like this. So irresponsible - What with the beer and all.

No, I'm taking a tube and possibly a bus to really test my nerve. It might as well be an urban obstacle course with all those lifts, escalators, travelators and narrow tunnels to contend with on the tube. My biggest fear is gently bouncing down the 120ft escalator in Greenwich station or later, being plaited round the axel of a bus. I think I need some sort of minder to ensure none of the above presents its self on this journey.

R&D: Over the top?

Generally speaking weapons are something that's frowned upon throughout the UK. Whether it be guns, swords or flame throwers, the world is in trouble if I get my hands on this: http://snipurl.com/robot_fun

I think that sign is Japanese for "DO NOT POINT AT FACE". How I would show this off at an indoor party is yet to be decided. Perhaps gentle persuasion to move the location to a warehouse or wooded area might bode well for exercising my arsenal.

R&D: Aim high

When planning a venture into robotics, it's advisable to gain a level to aspire to. I may appear to be punching above my weight here but I figure that Honda is leagues ahead of any other company in the world for small scale robotics so if my benchmark exceeds the robotic know-how of say NASA, 1/2th the final success is admirable.

Taking a closer look at Asimo in this footage, he appears to be made of some sort of cardboard with a young man inside. Enlarging and enhancing the video leaks the secret that he is held together with paper fasteners made of a cheap brass substitute. Such an insight into the creation of Asimo is going to cut out on those awkward decades of research and development, which quite frankly I don't have.

Simon plans Halloween get up, robotic world holds breath

28th of October is this years planned celebration of Halloween which, incidentally falls on the following Tuesday; potentially less exciting on a work night.

Sitting around a pub table a few weeks ago, I was accused of "Never making an effort" at Halloween. Quite where that witch got her story from is anyone's guess but a friend and host of an upcoming party reiterated it days later.

I'll show them. I'll show them all.

Forget it...

This digging lark sounds like a right pain in the neck. I'm busy researching Scram Jet technology to fly at Mach12 *around* the world, instead of *through* it.

GOT to be easier.
F = [m dot * V]e - [m dot * V]0 + (pe - p0) * Ae

"Even Mozart had his critics"

I've had e-mail from some sort of 'scientist' full of misplaced anger at "The implications of tunnelling directly through the centre of the Earth's core" and that "The core is an incredibly volatile environment" that is "unpredictable in nature". He kind of tailed off at this point with a few more concerned exclamations at my "Ignorance towards the safety of Mankind" and that it was "Surely illegal to dig on this magnitude". Luckily, he then seemingly reversed his previous concerned statements saying "Good Luck, I'm sure I’ll see your face across the press in the coming months".

Fantastic, I could do with some drumming up of support, not to mention the lack of sponsorship looming over the project.

Quantum Physics

If quantum physics is anything like the physics I remember from GCSE in'94, it'll be a breeze. As far as presenting my ideas to the planning permission board/potential sponsors goes, the best route is to patronise them and loose them in technical jargon. Obviously the addition of lots of little symbols from the Character Map in Windows95 can't do any harm towards making them think I’m mentally and physically equipped to last the distance with this project.

For the time being, here are my preliminary plans:

R= Exit
E= Success
C= Circumference
T= Tunnel
O= Entrance
M= Movement

So.. E=MC2 (Success = Movement through the Circumference)

Probably loosing a few people here... I'm aware that these kind of complex equations are certainly not something you can learn over night. Bear with me; I'm still trying to ascertain the mental capabilities of my audience while digging deep within the world of quantum physics. It's a real tight rope.

Preparation begins.

I presume I'll need to apply and present my idea to two separate boards entirely for the planning permission application. I'll be pitching the 'Entrance' - London, Hyde Park to Westminster Council and the 'Exit' - Sydney, Hyde Park to erm, Sydney Council. I must say; bloody good coincidence having a Hyde Park on almost exact opposing sides of the world!

I've not visited Hyde Park in Sydney yet but with my GCSE 'C' grade in Geography guiding me, I'm assuming it's a pretty substantial part of Australia so it'll be a easier to *aim* my tunnel's exit path. Fortunately for the success of my Gravity Train venture, a friend of mine is a quantum physicist. This should aid the preparation before actual tunnelling begins. Sadly he's on a world trip until the middle of 2006 so in his absence I'll be drawing on my GCSE 'C' grade in Physics to plan out the entire project.

Gravity Train, one ticket to hell please!

Right here's how I understand this if you were to go directly through the centre of the earth: Technically (with little technical knowledge of the subject) the speed you gather on your journey to the centre will be and equal and opposite force to slow you down on the journey out the other side; as long as you take that pesky wind resistance out of the equation, your body could travel at 7900 meters every second. Naturally you'd die a rather painful death from the immense pressure gathered from a gravitational decent of several thousand miles but you'd be at your destination in 42 minutes, even if you were the size of a squashed walnut.

EDIT: Hang on...no that's not right, you'd become weightless the closer you got to the centre! So it'd only be the incredible heat from the centre of the earth to *worry* about.

Here's the link to gain your own view before it's introduced in say... the year 2109

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravity_train

I wonder what the planning permission of this kind of thing is? I'm assuming that tunnelling into the centre of the earth could cause some pretty disastrous volcanoes? That'd be hard to explain.